Chinese single men and women documentary
Being single is a kind of freedom, but at present, Chinese people are not much free to be single.
People are shaking up to 30 every year.
The worry of the 30-year-old single is not the loneliness that exists on weekends and festivals, but the embarrassment is that people and friends who have nothing to do with you or people who have nothing to do with you. Sympathy and surprise always unconsciously emerge, “Ah?
Not married yet?
Do n’t pick any more . ”That did n’t say the meaning was this: If you do n’t marry, you wo n’t be able to marry. What do you think is so high? There ‘s nothing wrong with it.The crowd, they are in good conditions, work hard, and even have a positive attitude to life, but they are single and passive, and they have not been able to enter the door of marriage.
In fact, the single population is growing larger.
Census data show that in 1982, there were 1745752 single households. By 1990, more than 8 million people were not married. Around 1990, there were more than 200,000 single men and women in Beijing. Now the figure in Nanjing alone has reached400,000, Beijing and Shanghai are even more millions.
Sociologists have long proposed a 4-level theory, that is, men and women are divided into four levels from A to D according to their quality. A man looks for B women, B man looks for C women, C man looks for D women, and only ends up with A.Women and D men cannot match.
If we look at the 10: 1 ratio of single men and women in 1990, there should be room for women to choose a spouse, but the cruel thing is that 90% of the total single population is replaced by D men in social difficulties or remote mountainous areas.
The embarrassing situation of older single women can be seen everywhere.
Take the Beijing Red Maple Women’s Hotline as the host of the 8-year weekend singles club. For example, in this club with a college degree as the starting point and a maximum number of more than 1,000 people, 40% of unmarried members and 70% of women.
The Beijing Foreign Enterprise Service Corporation established a club in early 1999 for the increasingly obvious single issue of employees. It has grown from more than 100 people at the start to more than 600 today, compared to foreign companies that are single-dominated2.
60,000 employees, a pitifully small number.
An important contradictory factor is that the ratio of male and female members is 4: 6, and the age of men at the Shanghai Population Intelligence Research Center has a set of data on the evolution of marriage in Shanghai: 180,000 marriages in 1980;Yes; in 1997 it was 100,000 pairs.
The decreasing trend shows from one aspect that late marriage has become a common phenomenon for both men and women.
In December 1998, Beijing Erhai Company conducted a survey of 796 Beijing residents. It mentioned that women’s ideal husbands are successful careers, and men’s dream lover should be gentle and beautiful.
What does it mean for a man to succeed in his career?
Employment risks are self-sufficient, medical endowment insurance is self-sufficient, and housing and education are self-sufficient. Therefore, the burden of marriage on a man is contradictory. According to surveys, starting a business before starting a family is the first choice for men today.
Feng Jian, who works for an IT company, will be his 31st birthday after the Spring Festival. After coming to Beijing for 3 years, countless nights, including weekends, leave the office at 11 o’clock, and people like him are desperate everywhere.
The younger sister ‘s children are 2 years old, but her grandmother is looking forward to a great-grandson. Feng Jian is guilty, but he said, “Now a man does n’t earn 100,000. What is the capital of 200,000 to marry a wife and have children?
Besides, if you don’t do well in your career, it will be a matter of survival, but if you want to do well in your career, how can you have time and benefits to accompany your girlfriend?
In our circle, how many bosses have divorced, either have an affair or are busy. My wife can’t stand the nine unbalanced sexes, and they are paying the price for the excessive independence or dependence they have to overcome.
The problem of being single is that, as being single, the situation and mentality of men and women are definitely different.
In the Second Sex, known as the Woman’s Bible, Simon.
Beauvoir pointedly pointed out that the meaning given to women by social traditions is marriage. “For girls, marriage is the only way to integrate with society. If no one wants to marry them, from a social point of view, they will change.Into waste “.
These words written in the 1940s are still meaningful today.
There is almost no pressure on men from selling to devaluing.
Zhang Fang, who is nearly 36 years old, is still single because he has no time to fall in love. For example, his business has allowed him to have 4 houses and bought a Santana 2000.
Zhang Fang said that in this dimension, there are a lot of men and women who are single, and women are big salaries of 200,000 a year. Although we always play together, we do n’t feel anyhow, “We wo n’t choose them, two peopleThey are busy, and the house is not yet a hotel. ”
Zhang Fang’s goal is clear: young, beautiful, centered on him.
Although his story is clearly a subdivision of money and love, the success of his career has increased his price.
Similarly, for women, the more successful their careers, the more happiness and worry they enjoy, and the more complicated they become. “Well done well than married well” has become a popular concept in society.
Liu Mei, who works for a foreign company, is a middle-level manager of the company with a monthly salary of 1 million, but the kind of devotion to pay for the position and the loneliness at the height makes her physically tired.”.
On the one hand is the traditional concept rooted in society-strong men and weak women, male big women filial piety and male high women low, while on the other hand is the expectation of quality of life.
Liu Mei said, “You can’t rely on a man, rely on yourself, but the more independent you are, the more you find that men can’t tolerate you.
Why don’t women expect someone to love, but the more you look at it, the more you know that some kind of man can’t marry.
Critical sociologists have described this to older women: “Their conditions for choosing a spouse are too high, and they are to blame. Some even hope that the other party” looks like an actor, has a good body like an athlete, learns to act like a role, speaks like an actorShe should be like a waiter, and her position should not be lower than that of senior civil servants. ”
“The advice they pointed out was: be more tolerant of the man’s appearance, be more proactive in courtship methods, and be more flexible in mating conditions.
Sociologists have calculated that if a 30-year-old female graduate student chooses a spouse according to traditional standards, her choice is only 0.
2%, and irrespective of three (no age, no education, no marriage, funeral, divorce, etc.), choose 20%.
But repeatedly persuaded her to ignore unilaterally, and the reality also caused women to run into walls repeatedly.
Ms. Wang Xingjuan was lamented when she noticed the universal reality of flowers and fruitlessness in the club. She thought that modern men were too eager for quick success. “The people who come to the club on weekends are very purposeful.I have been a member for 7 years and haven’t found anything yet.
Feelings need to be cultivated, but the men who take the initiative to participate have a “Mailang effect”. I just think this lady is good, and next time I see a new one, it is better, just like that Mailang, one after anotherBo’s pick.
“Liu Mei, who has participated in two events in the singles club, also deeply understands this.” So many women and men are like babies, but most of them simply use the attitude of playing and know you first.God, I just want to go to your house for permission, you refuse him, and I will no longer ignore you in the future, anyway, there are women . A similar disappointment and embarrassment will strengthen women’s requirements for marriage.
Many single women have the right to “worry their parents for a while, but not for a lifetime”. “Since it’s been a long time, you should choose it well.”
However, the more you want to choose, the more you lose the choice. The strange circle seems to be set up specifically for women.
The dilemma of singles and marriage dilemmas that women would rather be cautious may be related to the news that divorce rates are increasing year by year.
Since the 1980s, China ‘s divorce rate has skyrocketed. In 1980, divorce replaced zero.
7%; divorced and retired in 19951.
Among the civil cases prosecuted by the people’s courts, the divorce was the minority, with more than 810,000 in 1990, more than 860,000 in 1991, more than 1.03 million in 1994, and more than 1.24 million in 1997 .The situation is even worse. The latest annual population reports of European indicators indicate that the marriage rate of residents in European countries has generally fallen to the lowest point ever, the divorce rate has increased, and the proportion of illegitimate children has also increased significantly, especially in the Nordic countries, These divorce rates are almost half of the same year.
It seems that, although marriage is no longer a “career” that every adult man and woman must complete, digital substitution replaces the enthusiasm for someone entering the marriage.
“Marriage is both a burden and a benefit to both parties.” This is a consensus.
Sociologists also believe that there is a good message: in the fiercely competitive modern life, families have psychological adjustment functions, such as a happy and complete marriage will make people feel like 60,000 pounds of sediment every year, and menWill live longer due to marriage, a more peaceful mindset, higher employment rates, higher promotion rates . This is the latest function given to family and marriage in this new era.
Meng Tian said profoundly about the meaning of the family: “?
And property in marriage is of course as important as beauty or beauty, or more important than them.
“China is far from a tolerant climate of” singleness and abstinence. ”
According to reports, reporters understand that even in certain groups (a certain art circle) who dare to accept unmarried sexual relationships, this behavior is vague, and strong social traditions have made marriage a guarantee of normal male healthneed.
”Every state of man is both a physiological state and a psychological state,” said Danish, an expert on international consensus.
Therefore, although married people often yearn for the unrestrainedness of singles, they even live in the state of a gorgeous “single nobleman.” The long-term absence of “normal, stable sexual relations also affectsOur mood, “said Liu Mei, who works in a foreign company.
Liu Mei and her older girlfriends who work in foreign companies are now keen on one thing: immigration.
They believed that in a foreign country, they were single, living together, and getting married.
Divorce, foreigner stereotypes do not point to personal lifestyles, “They like you just like you, and there are not so many other people’s standards to replace in their emotions.
“The first step a woman can hope for independence is economics, and independence at the expense of marriage will turn the economy into a huge burden.
If Liu Meis could not go abroad, the immediate problem would be to buy a house (renting a house costs as much as in Beijing-and the rented house will never be home).
“Once a person grows up, he must have his own space. This is a step by step to maintain a good mood.
If I live with my parents and don’t marry one day, they will worry about it for a day, and feel that you are pressing them on your husband.
Liu Mei reluctantly said, “If it were two people, wouldn’t it have been easier?”
Marriage is like having roots.
Marriage can make people feel cumbersome, suffocating, lack of freedom, but marriage is also peaceful and mature. Many people who enter into marriage think: “Marriage is the most growth-promoting person, who has not experienced marriage, life is a kind ofdefect.
A recent survey published by the National Institute of Public Opinion Research at the University of Chicago said that in 1997, 49% of mature, professional, and mother-generating women felt that they should treat their children like children at home.Maintain close relationships; by 1998, this proportion was as high as 68%.
Family is the home of a woman’s soul.
The same is true for men.
The eternal law is “escape”. Fleeing from single to marriage, and then fleeing from marriage to single, very few people refuse to move.